Dating Violence

It's never a good time to talk about this subject and it is probably more of a downer than anything at this time of the season, but as I was going through my reader I saw this post and wanted to share. It is a simple statement from a young girl going through a very unhealthy relationship. It is so important that we know these behaviors and help teach our kids early on the about the signs of an unhealthy relationship. It also shows the impact that education can have on a person's life. Madison was able to see what was going on, how wrong her situation was, and "break the cycle." That is what Anthem has been doing now for years, but not just focusing on the negative, they are teaching people what "healthy relationships" looks like. So many people have had few opportunities to see how a healthy relationship looks and feels that it is easy to slip into a negative one. Often that negative relationship is much worse than we ever expected.
This time of year we are lucky to have extra time with our kids and family members. Look for a time to talk with them about their relationships. Use your own as an example- whether good or bad- to start the conversation. And then schedule yourselves in a class for the New Year. You'll learn valuable information that can change your life forever! Thanks to Madison for her words. Follow Break The Cycle for more information on Dating Violence.

Letter from a Teen

Dear Friend,

You don't know me but you know someone like me.

I thought my boyfriend's need for my attention meant he cared for me, but his constant calling, texting and facebooking soon became an obsessive and destructive force in my life. It only got worse as his jealousy grew. I felt worthless and confused. One day he exploded and physically attacked me.

I didn't know what to do. I thought we were in love and convinced myself that his actions were okay, that I deserved his abuse.

Then one day, Break the Cycle came to my health class and helped me realize that I deserve more. They provided me with support I couldn't find anywhere else. I escaped my abusive relationship and now live free from violence and fear.

Please help Break the Cycle help the millions of teens who are just like me.

Madison M., 17 years-old

-Published on November 4, 2010

The season of Giving!

With 2010 almost behind us it is time for us to prepare for the New Year, but not before the Season of Giving is well played out. I really firmly believe that things are about to turn around for the economy and that means that for industries like non-profits, blue skies are on their way. All sectors of society were hurt when people started tightening their belts but none more than the not-for-profit community. And YOU can help us turn that around!! If you visit our website you can learn all about the work that Anthem Strong Families does and take a few minutes to make a donation.

Thousands of families all over the Metroplex have been impacted by the classes that Anthem provides free of charge. We are, and will always be, committed to the families that we serve but in order to keep doing what we do, we need your support. During this season, whether you have an extra few dollars or you are looking to finalize your tax deductions, think Anthem Strong Families and slide on over to the Anthem Strong Families website to impact your community today!

Check this out:

Great online mag for you to share with your sweetie:
http://amfm.imirus.com/Mpowered/book/vwalk10/i1/p1

This Just In...

Last week I was regailing about how I drove through a nearby neighborhood and my heart was warmed by all of the families that were outside putting up their Christmas lights together. It was awesome. Couples, moms AND dads with the kids playing in the lights, teens and grandparents. It was more than just the holiday spirit in the air. It made me think, maybe the world is not as awful as they try to tell us it is. Maybe we still have hope for the family unit. Maybe there is hope for marriage. Well, the proof is in the pudding right? Or in the ad stats at least. Since my heart goes pitter-patter for advertisement statistics I thought I'd share, with you, what my world is saying about the message of family and marriage. We can see this in many different ways- in the neighborhoods we drive through, in the local park, at church or in the work that Anthem does. The message is the same- and it's right here in this article as well. How do you see families staying a central focus in your world?

Family Still Matters Most - From AdWeek

Nov 29, 2010

- Mark Dolliver

Laments about the decline of the traditional family have become a tradition in their own right as households with married parents and a couple of rosy-cheeked kids have ceased to be a demographic norm. Even while documenting a decline in the centrality of marriage in modern society, though, a Pew Research Center survey finds Americans still intensely attached to family life.

Fielded last month in tandem with Time, the survey found majorities of respondents across population segments agreeing that family is "the most important element of my life." Seventy-four percent of men and 77 percent of women assented to this. Among 18-29-year-olds, most of whom have yet to marry and reproduce, 71 percent rated family the paramount element in their lives -- as did 80 percent of 30-49s, 76 percent of 50-64s and 73 percent of 65-plusers.

Given such numbers, it's a good thing that most people are happy with the family life they've got. Even among those who are divorced/separated, 50 percent said they're very satisfied with their family life. The incidence of such satisfaction is higher (84 percent) among those who are married. As you can see from the chart, the Tiny Tim-inspired image of poor households deriving the greatest joy from family life doesn't square with the opinions voiced by people in the survey's different income brackets.

While assigning great importance to family, Americans have not clung to a traditional way of defining it. One section of the poll asked whether respondents believe various kinds of households qualify as "family." Virtually all respondents (99 percent) put a "married couple with children" in that category.

But big majorities also accorded this status to "married couple without children" (88 percent), "single parent with children" (86 percent), "unmarried couple with children" (80 percent) and "same-sex couple with children" (63 percent).

For that matter, sizable minorities said the same about "same-sex couple without children" (45 percent) and "unmarried couple without children" (43 percent).

Daddy Did You Know?

This morning I was doing one of my all time favorite things - singing. Not just any singing though, I was rewriting lyrics to one of the all time favorite Christmas songs - Mary Did You Know. I was feeling a bit perturbed by my hubby's attitude, as he grumbled and moaned through our home while getting ready for work, and I started thinking - does he know that every move he make is not only being watched, but absorbed and emanated by his 7 year old son? So, in true fashion, I thought I'd sing my hubs a song- to get the point across. It went a li;' something like this: Daddy did you know, that your baby boy watches ev'ry move? Daddy did you know, that your baby boy is learning that from you? This child that you have fathered, will turn out just like you.

Of course my ballad was not met with the season's cheer as one would have expected, but I sang it all the same. Then after the drama had died down, becuase they both left for school and work, I started thinking about my own actions. And those of my son's father. Do we remember that at every moment our child is watching, and learning. He is sponging up every move we make. And that every time we speak out of line, or roll the eyes, or raise our voices, or deal with stress by shouting and so forth that this is what our child is learning? How will he ever learn to deal with the stress of a stubborn boss, a wayward child or conflict in his own relationships when we are setting this type of example?
Needless to say, my song impacted me as well. You see, my greatest fear is that my boy will have to struggle through this life and I want, as many of us parents do, to protect him from as many of those struggles as possible. I know that I cannot keep him guarded from everything but I can use my behavior to teach him to avoid the negatives, instead of thinking that they are the norm. I am teaching my son what a wife looks like. Good or bad, I am the one teaching that lesson. And his Daddy is teaching him how to love a wife. How to love a woman. I am teaching him what respecting a man looks like as well. I am teaching him how to stay in a marriage, and have that marriage not only be healthy- but happy, fun, and a place of peace and joy.Well that is what I should be teaching him anyway. I guess I have to challenge myself and ask if that is really the case.

When you start thinking in those terms, it changes everything. Every move is now different. Every moment is so much more sacred. So, that is what I am taking into this season. As we prepare for the holidays, I will focus on the lessons I can teach my child about the joy and peace of the season - and that it starts with me and Daddy.

What will you teach your little one's this season? What lessons will you impart to the them?

Being Thankful

As we round the final corner into the full launch of the holiday season I can already feel the pressure mounting in my chest. My mind is reeling already with all of the details that need to be taken care of before Thursday: packing, feed the dogs, call the dog sitter, clean the house, pay the electricity, pick up pies, finish work so I can be free to think about just the family - yeah right!
 I even faithfully committed to the Facebook and twitter campaign on Tips to Survive the Holidays. Even so, here I am, chest knotting up in stress, back tensing up and me finding myself losing my temper with the family for no good reason. So how do we get through the holidays and not just get through but get through with fond memories. More so, leaving fond memories for our loved one's to remember us by?
The truth is that I can apply all of the things I have learned in teaching conflict resolution classes and my try on my superior better communication skills, but unless I choose to have a positive and light outlook, then none of that matters. My family can sense if I am stressed. They will know when I am there but "not there" during a conversation. My boy can hear me sigh when I am frustrated and it affects them. It makes them tense and then adds stress to what is supposed to be a jolly holiday season!
So the answer lies within- I have to do whatever it takes to deal with my stress in a healthy manner. Talk to a trusted friend, exercise, journal, take a walk - or the big one - just learn to let it go! So that is what I am going to do. It will all work out in the end. The holidays will come and go every year, with me stressed or without me altogether, I want my family to remember these times filled with laughter, silliness, and pure joy!